Postpartum Depression, A Mother's Struggle

Depression does not discriminate. It does not care what race you are, what religion you practice, your economic status or even the fact that you just had a child. Unfortunately no woman is immune to the effects of Postpartum Depression. I should know.

Remember Susan Smith, the woman who notoriously drowned her children in a lake during the 1990s in the USA, and then over 10 years later Tom Cruise appearing on the Today Show to discuss Brooke Shield's book on her struggle with Postpartum Depression? I do. I can tell you exactly where I was, what I was doing and my immediate reaction. As a married, but childless, woman who's struggled with depression most of her life I was mortified and terrified all at the same time. At the time the word "glib" was being researched throughout dictionary's all over the world I was trying to conceive and was happy with the possibility of becoming pregnant but at the same time scared out of my mind about the likely-hood that I would, based on my history, get trapped by the PPD label. In 2009 I gave birth to twin boys and the fears that haunted me before, during and immediately after my pregnancy became my reality.

Let's face it, no one wants to feel like a bad or harmful parent. We all want to do right by our children and having such a high stigma attached to these painfully depressive and most importantly REAL feelings can pull a new Mother, as well as everyone around her, into a very unsettling place. Depression is real, it is a disease just as diabetes is and yet there is still a portion of society that believes it can be "fixed" and "cured" by "snapping out of it". There is no such thing as "snapping out" of depression. The brain does not work like the lights on lights off clapper. You cannot flip a switch and be happy. It takes treatment, time, patience, strength, courage and so much more to overcome.

Coming to the realization and eventual acceptance that I did, in fact, have Postpartum Depression was horrifying. I felt alone, ashamed, weak, powerless and at times suicidal. Having been through this and knowing the intense struggle I wanted to share my story, along with the definitions/symptoms/treatment, of PPD. The worst thing a depressed Mother needs is to feel alone and ashamed. Hopefully my experience will help those of you experiencing this will give you a sense of support and comfort in knowing that you are not suffering alone.

There are two things that are associated with sadness and depression following the birth of a child, "Baby Blues" and "Postpartum Depression". So what's the difference and how do you know which one, if any, you are experiencing? Well, before running to your computer and self diagnosing yourself talk with your Doctor about any and all feelings that you are experiencing. It is never safe to try and home remedy or treat your symptoms without a Doctor's supervision. However, here is some basic information on what can happen to a woman upon giving birth.

What is the difference between "baby blues," postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis?

Many women have the baby blues in the days after childbirth. If you have the baby blues, you may:

• Have mood swings
• Feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed
• Have crying spells
• Lose your appetite
• Have trouble sleeping

The baby blues most often go away within a few days or a week. The symptoms are not severe and do not need treatment. The symptoms of postpartum depression last longer and are more severe.

Postpartum depression can begin anytime within the first year after childbirth. If you have postpartum depression, you may have any of the symptoms of depression listed above. Symptoms may also include:

• Thoughts of hurting the baby
• Thoughts of hurting yourself
• Not having any interest in the baby

Postpartum depression needs to be treated by a doctor.

Postpartum psychosis (seye-KOH-suhss) is rare. It occurs in about 1 to 4 out of every 1,000 births. It usually begins in the first 2 weeks after childbirth. Women who have bipolar disorder or another mental health problem called schizoaffective (SKIT-soh-uh-FEK-tiv) disorder have a higher risk for postpartum psychosis. Symptoms may include:

• Seeing things that aren't there
• Feeling confused Having rapid mood swings
• Trying to hurt yourself or your baby

What should I do if I have symptoms of depression during or after pregnancy?

Call your doctor if:

• Your baby blues don't go away after 2 weeks
• Symptoms of depression get more and more intense
• Symptoms of depression begin any time after delivery, even many months later It is hard for you to perform tasks at work or at home
• You cannot care for yourself or your baby
• You have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

Your doctor can ask you questions to test for depression. Your doctor can also refer you to a mental health professional who specializes in treating depression. Some women don't tell anyone about their symptoms. They feel embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty about feeling depressed when they are supposed to be happy. They worry they will be viewed as unfit parents. Any woman may become depressed during pregnancy or after having a baby. It doesn't mean you are a bad or "not together" mom. You and your baby don't have to suffer. There is help. Here are some other helpful tips: Rest as much as you can. Sleep when the baby is sleeping. Don't try to do too much or try to be perfect. Ask your partner, family, and friends for help. Make time to go out, visit friends, or spend time alone with your partner. Discuss your feelings with your partner, family, and friends. Talk with other mothers so you can learn from their experiences. Join a support group. Ask your doctor about groups in your area. Don't make any major life changes during pregnancy or right after giving birth. Major changes can cause unneeded stress. Sometimes big changes can't be avoided. When that happens, try to arrange support and help in your new situation ahead of time.

How is depression treated?

The two common types of treatment for depression are: Talk therapy. This involves talking to a therapist, psychologist, or social worker to learn to change how depression makes you think, feel, and act. Medicine. Your doctor can prescribe an antidepressant medicine. These medicines can help relieve symptoms of depression. These treatment methods can be used alone or together. If you are depressed, your depression can affect your baby. Getting treatment is important for you and your baby. Talk with your doctor about the benefits and risks of taking medicine to treat depression when you are pregnant or breastfeeding. Return to top What can happen if depression is not treated? Untreated depression can hurt you and your baby.

Some women with depression have a hard time caring for themselves during pregnancy. They may:

• Eat poorly
• Not gain enough weight
• Have trouble sleeping
• Miss prenatal visits
• Not follow medical instructions
• Use harmful substances, like tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs

Depression during pregnancy can raise the risk of:

• Problems during pregnancy or delivery
• Having a low-birth-weight baby
• Premature birth

Untreated postpartum depression can affect your ability to parent. You may:

• Lack energy
• Have trouble focusing
• Feel moody Not be able to meet your child's needs

As a result, you may feel guilty and lose confidence in yourself as a mother. These feelings can make your depression worse. Researchers believe postpartum depression in a mother can affect her baby. It can cause the baby to have:

• Delays in language development
• Problems with mother-child bonding
• Behavior problems
• Increased crying

It helps if your partner or another caregiver can help meet the baby's needs while you are depressed. All children deserve the chance to have a healthy mom. And all moms deserve the chance to enjoy their life and their children. If you are feeling depressed during pregnancy or after having a baby, don't suffer alone. Please tell a loved one and call your doctor right away.

_{This information is courtesy of Womenshealth.gov.}

By the time I got pregnant with my twin boys I was 27 years old and had already struggled with major depression most of my life. Going into the pregnancy I knew that the possibility of developing PPD was higher than average but even with this knowledge I never wanted to admit it. I think I clung to the label of "baby blues" for about 5-6 months before truly accepting the fact that what I was experiencing was far more severe than mere blues. I was...suicidal.

The boys were just a month or so old and I can remember crying hysterically for an entire day and having my Mother-in-law come by to help with the kids and ask me if I felt like harming the babies. I said, "no, I would never hurt them. I just want to hurt myself. They'd be better off without knowing me." That evening my house was filled with friends and family members trying to help me get through the night without doing something I couldn't take back. I had more nights like this than I care to remember. I became so ashamed and felt so guilty for not bonding with my children, who I loved more than my own life and who I always wanted, that I started to turn my fears into realities by thinking that every time another Mother would look at me they would know that I was a horrible, totally unworthy parent who deserved to have her children taken away. It was horrifying but completely untrue. People weren't looking down on me, they were trying to help me. Had I realized this fact my struggle may have been less intense and my healing time may have been faster but I was a mess; a classic case of severe PPD.

My illness manifested itself with insomnia, panic attacks so severe I thought I was having heart attacks, no appetite and rapid weight loss, headaches, constant crying, lack of energy, little interest in bonding and caring for my children and suicide. At least once a day for weeks at a time I would think about killing myself and in my head I would list all of the ways committing suicide was the best possible solution for every single person in my life. I saw no benefit to my life, only continued heartache. Watching me during those moments must have been agonizing for my friends and family and I am forever fortunate that the boys were too young to realize what was happening and to recognize the sadness I was showing to them. Divorce was a prominent thought as was wanting to jump in the car and just drive away and just disappearing. Bottom line, I convinced myself that I was unworthy and because of this I then tried to make everyone around me believe the same so that it would be easier for me to say goodbye.

After my pregnancy I began seeing my therapist more frequently, however my PPD was so severe and my history with the disease was so long that I was also put back on medication. My doctor's and I were attacking this from every possible angle and with a lot of support and encouragement I am able to say to you that I am happy. My boys turned 2 on July 23, 2011 and finally I can say that I am starting to feel whole again. Finally I can say that I am happy, comfortable and confident as a Mother to two of the most amazing human beings on the planet. Had it not been for the support of everyone around me I do not think I would be here today to share my story with you.

If you or someone you know is feeling like I did please, please seek help. I promise you, getting treatment will be the best thing you can do for your family and most importantly, you.